Conflict is a normal and inevitable part of life. There are minor conflicts, there are serious ones and no one is exempt from experiencing both types. It is therefore important that people learn how to live with conflict and still be productive. Here are some facts about conflict that can help provide a healthy perspective about this human phenomenon.

Accept that conflict is a fact of life. Once you accept that conflict will always be present, you won’t feel as disturbed by the fact that it is there at all.

Conflict becomes unhealthy when you become full of negative thoughts and emotions. Becoming angry, resentful and defensive are all natural human reactions and even wanting to seek revenge is not unexpected when people feel they have been wronged. However, all these emotions harm you more than the other party. Make a conscious effort to get rid of these emotions.

If you want to live with conflict and still be productive, you need to study the conflict from a rational viewpoint. Make a list of the events that led to the conflict and the things that were said. Weigh them carefully without letting your emotions get the better of you. Of course, this isn’t easy to do but it is not only necessary; it will help you see things from a broader perspective.

Train yourself to analyze the conflict and then set it aside for the rest of the day. Do not allow yourself to be obsessed with thoughts about the conflict. Whenever you feel thoughts about it intruding at inappropriate times, give yourself a mental shake then go back to what you are supposed to be doing.

If you observe yourself not accomplishing what you should get done during the day, make a list of what you need to do and follow it faithfully. Learn to put one foot in front of the other and marshal your thoughts and energies towards what you need to do.

Practice positive self-talk to get through each day and end each day by reviewing what you were able to accomplish.

Remember that conflict is not only unavoidable but it can also be a healthy factor that will spur you to change and learn. Furthermore, when conflicts are resolved, relationships often become healthier and stronger.

Reflect on what makes you angry and what your usual impulses and habitual reactions are to provocation. Ask yourself honestly what behavior you think you should modify and ask yourself if it is possible that some of these behaviors are offensive to others.

Learn to be assertive – not abrasive or aggressive but just confidently assertive. There are materials and online resources that can help you learn this important skill.

Develop the attitude that you want to seek solutions to conflict and are willing to compromise. Take note this does not mean you are going to be a doormat and give in on every single point. It merely means you will be genuinely reasonable and will listen to the other party’s grievances.

When you have mustered your composure and you are now more confident, you can proceed kindly but firmly to seek a solution, ask for a dialogue. If necessary, ask another party to facilitate the dialogue.

When you begin the dialogue, get everyone to agree that there will be no name-calling or accusations. Instead, agree that you will both only speak of how each one felt, what each saw and how you perceived events to be threatening or harmful or hurtful.

Believe sincerely in arriving at a solution that will benefit not just you but everyone concerned. It is counterproductive to think you should win and the other party lose; both of you should get some good from resolving the conflict.

Listen actively while the other person is talking and develop empathy. One of the best ways to live with conflict and still be productive is to face it constructively and know you have given your best effort to finding a solution.