Unemployed

It can be very demoralizing for your husband or wife to be laid off from work. Most homes today rely on two incomes to make ends meet, so when one income is lost it can place a lot of stress on a marriage. The situation is made even worse when it is a one-income family and the sole income producer becomes unemployed. Often it is the man of the house who feels he has let his family down by being unable to properly provide for their needs. Unemployment is something that can hit any house at any time with little or no notice.

The demoralizing effects of unemployment are discussed on television every day. It is frightening to lose a job and know everything you have worked for is at risk. Worse can be the knowledge that your family counts on you to keep them financially secure. The psychological affects of unemployment include the following.

• Loss of self-esteem
• Anger over the injustice of the situation
• Fear about the future
• Loss of self confidence
• Disappointment

These are powerful emotions that can impact marital relations and lead to divorce. Becoming unemployed is a crisis and it needs to be treated like a crisis. Too many people try to handle the trauma without help and find themselves floundering. The emotions triggered by the loss of a job can then be directed towards the marriage as a way to relieve the intense feelings. It makes it difficult to maintain a normal relationship.

Crisis Counseling

Because unemployment is a crisis, it requires crisis counseling. The sooner you and your spouse seek help, the better able you will be to deal with the trauma of unemployment. Crisis help comes in many forms and it's up to you and your spouse to take advantage of the assistance that is available.

• Government assistance through the unemployment office
• Church counseling and emergency assistance
• Career counseling in order to review options
• Marriage counseling

The reason you should seek marriage counseling is because you need to work through the feelings and emotions with your spouse that were unleashed by losing a job. It is too tempting to take your frustrations out on your spouse when the emotions need to be channeled into productive channels.

Through marriage counseling your spouse can learn important lessons also. She can learn how to provide the right amount of loving care without being smothering or unintentionally belittling. Your spouse has feelings about the situation that she must work through. She is just as scared as you about the future and worried about getting past the crisis.

Intense emotions can often lead to the wrong words. It's how arguments start and then take on a life of their own. Unemployment is traumatic enough without making the situation worse at home with constant fighting over finances.

Supportive Responses

When one spouse is unemployed, the other spouse must provide the right amount of encouragement and love to help her spouse get through the crisis. When the roles are reversed, and it is the woman who loses her job the same recommendations apply. We often place our self-worth squarely in our work so when the job disappears your whole view of yourself changes.

With the right kind of counseling it is possible to survive crisis with dignity. You and your spouse should sit down together and evaluate all of the opportunities that are available. The discussion should include all options too so that the right choice is made. It may be necessary to consider moving to another city for example. Choices like these impact the entire family.

If your spouse has been unemployed and the two of you are arguing more and more, it is an indication of the escalating stress over the issues. The longer someone is unemployed the more likely the household is bound to run into serious financial problems. That triggers a whole new set of problems. The one thing you cannot do is run away from the problems, especially if you have children.

Being a supportive spouse is not always an easy task, but it's an important one that can save your marriage from failing during crisis.