Going Separate Ways When It’s Time To Play

There he goes again! He’s off to the baseball game with his friends while you sit home alone. He didn’t even ask if you would like to go. Of course, you always seem to be making plans with your girlfriends that exclude men. If these descriptions sound like your situation and you’re married, the chances are you are having marital problems related to feeling neglect. You didn’t get married just so you could cook dinner! You got married because you were sure you both would be great friends with common interests and goals.

When one spouse sees another developing a completely separate life from the marriage, it can be difficult to handle. When you are first married you couldn’t wait to do so many things together. In most cases you probably weren’t even interested in playing without your spouse while a newly wed. But relationships change and people’s interests vary, and life is full of responsibility. Taking care of these responsibilities can lead to husbands and wives going their separate ways when it is time to have some fun. Someone has to watch the children for example and someone has to finish the chores this weekend and so on.

Spouses may also go their separate ways when they feel as if they have grown apart. When there is constant arguing or disagreement in the marriage, you really don’t feel like spending any more time with you spouse than you need to. Who wants to play with someone they are not getting along with? Unfortunately, the more you go your separate ways the more likely you are to end up divorced. You wake up one morning and realize the relationship is in real trouble.

Easy Solutions to the Problem

It is really not difficult to deal with the problem of never doing anything together. It’s amazing how many couples begin to live separate lives and then wonder where the love went! Keeping a marriage healthy means you have to act like a couple and not two people just living under the same roof.

If you find you don’t want to spend time with your spouse when it’s time to play, then you should evaluate the problems in the marriage leading to these feelings. If there are unresolved anger issues then you need to talk to your spouse and explore how to resolve them. Keeping the communication lines open in the marriage is crucial.

Of course, if you don’t spend play time together because of responsibilities, you need to approach the problem from a different angle. For example, if you have children it might not be possible to go out together. In that case you can find activities to do together at home or with the entire family.

There are lots of things you can do together that are relationship strengthening and don’t require major life changes.

• Set aside a time to go out on a date together at least once or twice a month

• Pick an activity you can do frequently that doesn’t take much time such as walks around the block

• Invite joint friends over to your house for a BBQ or to watch a sports event

• Find at least one thing you can do together that interests you both such as going to a movie or the theatre

• Be spontaneous when possible and invite your spouse to the local outdoor concert in the park or to attend the local festival

Controlling the Circumstances

The point is to begin to play together on a regular basis. Chances are your spouse doesn’t understand how you are feeling if you have never expressed your frustration at failing to do anything together. Many times people don’t intentionally ignore their spouse, but just get caught up in circumstances. For example, your friends call and want to play golf every Saturday and you’re too tired at the end of the day to take your wife out to dinner. She calls her friends and goes out to dinner without you.

Naturally if you are intentionally avoiding each other there are deeper issues to resolve. You can begin by talking about your feelings in a non-confrontational manner. By doing so there will be an opportunity to begin recognizing those similarities you once shared. If the marital problems are discouraging you from sharing play time then it is even more important that you set aside time to do some things together.