"Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well," explains Dean Ornish, M.D., author of Love & Survival. "When you look at the scientific data, the need for love and intimacy is as important and basic as eating, breathing and sleeping." He argues that our need to build relationships that are long-lasting and fulfilling is essential to our cardiovascular health, our recovery from illness and our very longevity. There are many key components of successful intimate relationships.
To build relationships that are strong, we must build our foundation upon seven pillars. The first pillar is honesty. You must be honest with yourself and with your partner to create close interpersonal relationships. With honesty comes trust, and you must be able to trust your partner in every way and put keeping their trust as a top priority. The third pillar is respect. You must respect each other's strengths, shortcomings, dreams, goals, personality and opinions. The fourth pillar is communication, which requires time, attentiveness and good listening skills. Attention is the fifth pillar, which means showing that you're thinking about your partner, enjoying time together and sending positive energy their way on a regular basis. The sixth pillar is intimacy. This entails more than just sexual relationships but also letting your guard down, trusting, sharing and respecting the other person. The last pillar is commitment, which is essential to a good, strong relationship.
The ability to resolve conflict is something that partners will likely work on their whole lives as they build relationships that can withstand the test of time. When conflicts inevitably arise, it's important to remain in the present and let go of what has happened in the past. Choose your battles wisely and avoid nitpicking over every little thing. Be open to forgiveness, which will ultimately lead to happiness. Sometimes you must be mature enough to "agree to disagree" when a resolution can't be found. Using positive nonverbal communication and humor can help diffuse most tense situations and maintain healthy relationships.
Almost all relationships advice centers on making time for one another. Once you build relationships, quality time spent together is the glue that holds intimate relationships together. "Couples need to spend a lot of time with each other," says Dr. David Kaplan, chair of the counseling department at Emporia State University in Kansas. "There is no substitute for quantity of time." He advises spending at least 15 minutes each day with a personal one-on-one conversation. Additionally, he says couples should take half a day each week to go out on a date. Getting physical is also essential, whether you're 20, 40 or 60.
Relationships sex may not need to happen every day, but partners should be on the same page for how often it should happen. There should be a playfulness and loving expression inherent in each and every day, which nourishes and builds healthy relationships over the long haul.
