Seeking New Solutions To Divorce

Seeking new solutions to your marriage problems and avoiding divorce is possible in many, if not most, marriages. Many couples give up on their marriages too quickly at the first sign of problems instead of trying to work through the real issues. You have two choices when it comes to addressing your problems. First you can attempt to make the changes you need to make on your own to resolve problems which are tearing at the fabric of your marriage. Second you can seek outside counseling in order to break down the emotional barriers which have been constructed over time.

Divorce is Not a Solution

Though people look at divorce as a solution to problems in a floundering marriage, it is really a final act. Problems are not resolved, just eliminated. But at what sake? You lose your relationship with a person you once loved, your family unit is destroyed and emotional scars are created that never fully fade over time. You may tell yourself the relief divorce brings is worth the pain of breaking up the family, but for many there is a life of regret that the marriage was not saved.

So the question is how to seek new solutions to divorce. If you decide that divorce should not be an option, you are then faced with the need to come up with alternatives to divorce. Fortunately there are many different options to choose among and the ones that work for your marriage will depend on your needs and circumstances.

Resolving Your Own Problems

The first alternative is to try and solve the problems in the marriage yourselves. This can be done, but it also means being willing to honestly evaluate your patterns of behavior and then find ways to change those patterns. For example, if your husband and you are always arguing about finances, then you need to be able to sit down together and find ways to solve the problem. This may require changing spending habits, eliminating debt or even selling a house that is beyond your means. These can be tough decisions to make and they are not ones you can really make on your own.

But it is fully possible to improve a marriage by working on your own problems without including the spouse. If you have communication problems and can't talk without harsh and angry words then the first step towards resolution is to teach yourself how to prevent combative discussions. Learning to be assertive without being aggressive can turn arguments into reasonable discussions where real information is changed.

Seeking Counseling

Sometimes when a marriage is on the path to divorce, it is better to seek outside help. Professional marriage counselors or therapists can mediate between spouses and help them focus on the real issues. For example, a counselor will assist couples with learning how to talk to each other without being accusatory. Then the counselor will help the couples identify the real problems in the marriage and the solutions that will work for them. The counselor does not dictate orders or provide a laundry list of solutions.

There are many ways to find counseling. The first was the mediation counseling mentioned. You can find free marriage counseling at local churches and online also. Nonprofit agencies offer counseling to troubled couples who cannot afford to hire their own counselor.

Some couples choose to take marriage counseling courses offered online or through workbook series. Often the courses are monitored by a licensed counselor so you can get professional feedback when you need it. You can actually just buy a marriage counseling workbook at a bookstore also which takes you step-by-step through the counseling process.

The bottom line is there is no reason why anyone who desires to access marriage counseling should have any problems finding help. Maintaining a healthy relationship within the boundaries of your marriage is the key to avoiding divorce. Even if you feel as if the marriage is dangerously close to divorce, counseling can help.

Take Action

So if you think your marriage needs help the next step is take action towards resolution of those problems. You can seek private counseling, couples counseling, online counseling, courses on marriage counseling, family counseling, group therapy and even free marriage counseling. Or you can work through your problems with your spouse by changing your communication patterns.