Knowhow-Now Article

The Best After Divorce Advice To Heed

By Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson

The divorce proceedings are finally over

You have moved out from your old house and found a new home to live in. You bought new appliances, new furnishings, and a symbol of a new beginning. You have worked around your schedule to accommodate both your children and your career. Now what do you have in store for yourself? During times your kids are not with you, what do you do? Do you go straight home, pig out, and watch some TV? Alternatively, are you going to doze off on the couch until your kids arrive the following day? Or do you ring up your ex and leave some awful messages on her answering machine? This can be very unhealthy for yourself and your children. Before you lose your grip and start wallowing in self-pity, try the following tips and decide which among these is the best after divorce advice to heed.

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Gain self-control

It is natural to be sad following a divorce. It’s normal to feel anger, guilt, or resentment or even all three put together. It’s even normal to wallow in self-pity. Nevertheless, just for a short while. Do not dwell on the past or you will never be able to move forward. If you don’t get a hold of yourself, you may find yourself being the victim of your current circumstances. For example, when you are on your fourth or fifth bottle of beer, feeling more depressed and angry than ever, you phone your ex in the hope of aggravating him or her, or he or she will come over to comfort you. The thing is, your ex is not home, and your mom is the one watching the kids for the night. You will only feel lousier knowing you have spent so much time and energy thinking about your ex-spouse while he or she is out having a great time.

When you find yourself in this kind of situation, stop, take a deep breath, and think. What in the world are you doing with yourself, with your life, with your career? Are you the person you have always wanted to be? Are you being a better parent, or are you taking a turn for the worse. If you don’t change now, you may just find yourself losing custody of your children, which will only make you feel far worse than you do now. So think about the consequences of your actions. If you find it difficult to change all by yourself, seek help. Acknowledging your weaknesses and seeking help from others is the best and bravest thing you can do.

Make your children part of your new endeavor

This is another great after divorce advice to heed. You must not only think about new interests and hobbies to explore for yourself, rather find other activities that you can do while you are with your kids. Spend as much time as you can with them. They are only children once, so make the most out of it. When they grow up and have their own lives to lead and can barely see you because of their tight schedules, you’ll be glad you chose to spend quality time with them when they were young and needed your love and attention the most. Avoid the sugar mommy or daddy syndrome wherein parents spend a huge amount of money buying the most ridiculous things for their kids or just handing them toys and gifts to compensate for the time lost. Children do not care for material things as much as they value the presence of their parents. If one day you and your ex are comfortable enough to be around each other as friends, it’s a great idea to plan a trip or a weekend where all of you can become a family again.

You Are Still Parents

Remember, you may no longer be spouses, but you are still your children’s parents for the next hundred years so try to be the best you can be. This may be the ultimate after divorce advice to heed.

Don't fight over your children like this

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