Some people start dating after divorce. Some however, started dating when they were still married which actually led to the divorce. Either way, your ex may not be comfortable yet with the thought of being replaced by somebody else. Her anger and resentment may have even made the divorce proceedings a very unpleasant experience for you and your children.
A relationship like this that ended the marriage may not be able to survive the divorce. Nevertheless, here are some important things to bear in mind when you start dating after your divorce.
Do not be too eager to enter into a new relationship. Give yourself some time and space to think and determine what you really want for yourself and the things you want to accomplish with your life. Have you resolved past issues like guilt, insecurity, and hostility? That’s because while you still have unsettled issues with yourself or with others, you will never be able to move on. Dating may even create a vicious cycle that you experienced while you were still married. You have to be one hundred percent sure that you are getting into a relationship for the right reasons and not just to fill some void or fulfill a need for acceptance or approval. You need to find your true value and self-worth all by yourself. No one can give you that.
Many people make the mistake of dating after divorce to prove to their ex-husbands or wives that they are still desirable. Others do it simply to fill those lonely nights. The funny thing is, when they choose a new spouse some even turn out to be replicas of their exes. This is why you need to take it slow, so you can figure out for yourself the things you want in a new partner, avoiding all the bad habits or temper tantrums that led to your divorce.
Make your children the priority
Do not be too overwhelmed with the newfound freedom that you have. Remember that you are parents first and you need to take into consideration the well-being of your children. If you start dating after divorce and this person does not have kids and you already do, do you think you are still up for it if she wants to have children? Remember that the law mandates you to fulfill your previous obligations from your first marriage and this will take precedence over new obligations that you may have to take on.
On the other hand, if your new partner already has children, what will be your living arrangements? Have you considered a blended family? Do you think the children will all get along? If your children suspect that your present love is the cause of their parents’ divorce, you may have angry, confused, and hostile kids under one roof. So before you start a new relationship, make sure your kids are secure at the thought that they are loved, wanted and will always be protected under any circumstance.
Marriage the second time around
When you start dating, there is a big possibility that the both of you will end up wanting to get married. Again, consider the children. Their reactions may not be exactly the kind that you expect or want from them. They may be happy and thrilled for your new beginning, or they may still be hoping for you and your ex to get back together and all of you to become a family again. Either way, give them time to adjust. The important thing is you keep communication lines open and everybody has to be allowed to speak their minds and express their feelings. With love and respect, any issue can be resolved.