On a forum dedicated to marriage and relationships between men from (in the main) the USA and women from Russia and Ukraine one of the ongoing topics is whether men should meet more than one woman when he makes a trip to the FSU to find a bride.

The international marriage business is complex enough without arguing too much about this issue but there are good reasons why it is an ongoing and evergreen discussion topic. Here is what I wrote on the subject a short while ago:

A question for guys who have actually ever dated women in the United States.
When you dated women did you not see more than woman at a time?

I ask because that is pretty much what dating is. Dating is a part of a winnowing and filtering process moving from many to few and finally, perhaps, to one person.

I can understand why some people, for social and personality reasons might feel uncomfortable with this concept and so did not practice it but even those people surely understand that there is a filtering process from many to few to one?

OK, so we should understand that we are likely to only meet 'the one' by meeting and rejecting 'the many'.

Given that most guys looking for Russian brides are severely limited as to time and money, in practice, meeting only one woman on a visit is going to work out at meeting one woman in the FSU per year. How many guys here who dated or even married previously ever married the first or second woman they dated? How many of you are still married to her?

OK, so we know that marrying the first woman along makes little to no sense. At the same time it makes little or no sense to initiate only one new relationship per year. The only valid alternative is to meet with several women on one's initial trips over to Russia, Ukraine or other FSU countries.

BUT we have women who, in their home environment would almost certainly be willing to meet with and initiate relationships with more than one man at a time (or at the worst consecutively with little or no 'downtime') telling their foreign targets that if the man meets more than woman this is unacceptable to the woman.

Why might this happen?

Actually a little thought suggests the answer.

We already know that very few women who start the process of marrying a foreign bloke succeed. Elena's Models, one of the larger mail order bride agencies used to suggest about 1 in 20 of their female clients were successful. That makes you guys VERY valuable because, truth be told, any woman who wants to be married can be. The success rate for marriage in general is about 100% of those who want it.

So the women have a problem, you marriage minded American guys are rare and so a sensible Russian or Ukrainian woman, looking for a foreign husband, is going to do her best to increase the odds of success. Many women will see that their best option is to scare their lonely foreigner that her value is greater than it actually is. She will tell him that she will only meet him if he cleaves to her only EVEN BEFORE THEY ACTUALLY MEET!
If a woman meets a bloke and he sees only her then, given his limited resources she is right to think that her chances of succes are increased by getting her penfriend to deal only with her.

However, is this good for the guy?
Probably not!
The thing is that when the woman manipulates the man and it works, she attains her goal of enforcing exclusivity, the man is enabling the woman to set a pattern, a pattern wherein she can manipulate the man to her own ends.
Does a man benefit from such behaviour? Is dishonesty the best way to start a relationship that the man, in particular, hopes will be a love match?

Everything in my being suggests that if a man allows himself to be manipulated in this way he is doing wrong to himself. I can understand why men might fall for this, after all, they are looking for a foreign wife for a reason, there is some reason why he is dissatisfied with women or unable to get a decent wife in his own environment, but that knowledge does not make the situation good for the man.

To be honest, I'd prefer to have a situation where a woman knew I was seeing other women, that she understood I had choices and was confident enough in her attractiveness on all levels to know that she would benefit from me making a free choice for her.

When an American man gives in to this kind of manipulation he is enabling the very types of behaviour that many men claim that American women are guilty of. I find myself wondering whether these men who complain are, in truth, finding manipulators and game players in the US (and then abroad) as a result of their own shortcomings. There are manipulative people everywhere but they can only manipulate those who allow it!

Men, when you are looking for a Russian or Ukrainian wife remember that YOU are the rare and valuable thing. You need to consider your needs and best interests first. When a woman tries to get you to reject all other women before meeting her she is playing a game with you to maximise her benefit and it is nothing to do with love, passion, respect or even 'like' but is a selfish strategy to enable her exit from her own country.