I am a mature woman and then some. Still, what I don't know is shocking even though I may read more than the average dowager and perhaps pay closer attention to the world around me. Nevertheless, wherever I look, experts abound and it occurs to me that, by now, I should be one, too. I am not an expert on, in or at anything and so I'm looking to prove myself wrong.

Evaluation of Possible Niches of Expertise:

Short order cooking: Assuming nothing needs to be defrosted — add a few minutes if it does — a great, nutritious meal in fifteen minutes is yours at our house, or was until I crossed over into another age group.

Dishloading. Not my strong point. I do fine on the bottom rack but the top rack is wild with cups, bowls and glasses. My husband fixes it nightly and God bless him for not giving me sidelong, exasperated glances while he does. By the way I wash and dry all pots, pans and knives after every meal. Do I get stars for this? Also I have three shiny sinks. If you need instructions on how I maintain them do not hesitate to ask.

Gardening.: I've had years when my tomatoes were fabulous but was it really worth all that watering, mulching and weeding when I could buy equally luscious ones at a local stand and have time for a nap to boot? And, oh, my zucchini — they were beautiful and bountiful until squash borers surreptitiously killed them from the underworld. The following years, take note, I put fireplace ashes on the seedlings and later cut out the invisible squash borers then squirted organic insecticide into the wounds. To zip avail. Yes, I already know — anybody can grow zucchini.

I grew corn one year — it was wonderful — but when twelve months later I tried again, the raccoon network descended and made off with every cob of the crop. Had I been I an expert, I would have known to harvest them the day before they struck.

I have also grown kale, collard greens, assorted string beans, pea pods, snap peas, cauliflower and broccoli with success, sort of. My radishes and carrots have come up too gnarled and uncivilized for polite consumption. My brussel sprouts, the one time I grew them, were adorable to behold at a distance but covered with tiny gray-green insects up close. I removed the outer leaves of each sprout so they were absent all bugs. It only took all day until midnight to accomplish this.

The lettuces, basil, parsley are always fare well — but never mind the dill and cilantro. Peppers and eggplant are fun but the frost comes along every year just as they begin producing in quantity.

For the record -- I know how important this must be to you — I will continue to plant broccoli. Nothing can beat it straight off the stalk to the steamer.

Sewing: I made all of our curtains –- much of them by hand so they'd hang right, but how I managed such an undertaking is a mystery. Clearly, I'm not the woman I was. Too bad I didn't appreciate her. She may well have been an expert.

Author: writer a great new novel about a new pop fiction story that will keep you entertained from the time you pick it up till you finish the last page.