When Someone Close To You Has Cancer

What do you do when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer? When someone you care for has cancer, your world can often seem turned upside down. It can be so easy to get wrapped up in caring for their needs that your own life can quickly get out of balance. But the thought of saying no can seem selfish to you, and so you quickly lose sight of your own needs and your own boundaries.

Educate yourself briefly (or in depth, if you want to) about the type of cancer they have. Be mindful of the fact that, especially if they are undergoing chemotherapy, their energy is likely to be lower than normal, and lengthy visits might be tiring for them. Ask your friend what would be the most helpful to them; would they appreciate it if you did their grocery shopping or cleaned around the house once a month or so for them? Do they need rides to their doctor's appointments? Would they appreciate some home cooked meals once in a while? Perhaps they want a safe place to be able to laugh or cry or just talk about what they're feeling and what they're going through.

Perhaps you are tempted to withdraw from your friend out of concerns about what to say. Do you bring up their diagnosis? Perhaps displays of emotion make you uncomfortable, or you fear not knowing the 'right' thing to say. Many people in such a situation can fall into avoiding contact with the cancer patient - it can be easier, in the short run, to come up with reasons to avoid seeing them or spending time with them. Avoid doing this. You owe it to your friend to be there for them. They would likely be there for you. Let go of the idea that there is a 'right' thing to say. Most people just want to know that their friends and family are there for them. You may feel better if you tell your friend that you simply do not know what to say, but that you love them and you will be there for them. Try to be yourself, and remember that they are still the same person they were before they were diagnosed.

We often think about our own mortality for the first time when someone we love is dealing with a diagnosis like this. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and sad. You may benefit from seeing a counselor to help you process your feelings. It is common for friends and family of those who have been diagnosed with cancer to get burned out as they get wrapped up in caring for someone else. There may be support groups in your area for caregivers of those with cancer.

It can be scary and overwhelming when someone you love is diagnosed with cancer. Make sure you are taking care of your own needs; you will be in the best shape to be the best friend possible if you are taking care of yourself.