Do Not Let Divorce Come Between You And Your Children
Here’s a sad fact: it’s so easy for a married couple who are no longer happy with each other to consider getting a divorce. Worse, they do so without regard for the feelings of their kids (if there are any). Indeed, in divorce proceedings, the couple’s children are bound to be dragged into the mess. This isn’t a pleasant thing to deal with. Since a couple couldn’t know what the effects of divorce on children would be, it’s best to keep the kids out of the mess. This is especially true if there is a conflict between the couple. As much as possible, the couple should make sure that the children are getting as much attention from them as possible. This will make the kids feel loved and wanted, and it would take away any nagging thoughts in their minds that the divorce is their fault.
If you were in this kind of predicament, it would be a good idea to ensure that you are taking the necessary steps to keep your children out of the line of fire. Divorce proceedings can get nasty especially if the relationship between you and your ex is strained. To the extent possible, you should endeavor to keep your kids safe from all the problems that may occur during the proceedings. Yes, you are suffering, too. Nevertheless, the impact of divorce on children is far different from its impact on you or your ex. The last thing you want is for your kids to be traumatized, so you have to make sure you are helping them through this difficult time.
When it seems as if the children are having a hard time dealing with the pressures of the divorce, get them the needed help. Most importantly, keep the lines of communication open. Most couples, in their haste to end their marriage, commit the grave mistake of neglecting the children involved. You don’t want your children to feel neglected. Instead, you need to make them aware that you (and your ex) are there for them at all times and you are going to make everything all right.
There have been cases of parents’ divorce affecting children negatively. You don’t want this to happen to your kids. It’s very common for kids to start feeling rejected, at fault, sad, depressed, or even guilty once they find out their parents are getting a divorce. If you think you can’t handle dealing with the kids, seek professional help. You could seek counseling for your children, so that there would be someone to help them sort through any problems they may be having because of the divorce. They need to understand what’s going on, and most of the time, having someone else do the explaining is better. Of course, that doesn’t mean you and your ex shouldn’t try to explain what’s going on around them.
Oftentimes, fear could hold the children back from expressing what they feel to you. They might find it easier to confide in strangers. Therefore, you should try to get them outside help. Once they’re able to open up to someone else other than you and your ex, then you may start asking them questions and get down to explaining divorce to children. You’d be surprised to find out the things they’re trying to keep inside waiting to be let out in the open. This is the time to make it clear that they are allowed to feel whatever it is they’re feeling. Assure them that their feelings are normal and that everything will be all right.
Comfort is what you want to offer to your kids at this point, and the best way to do this is to set them down with you and your ex. That way, your kids would be able to talk to both of you about what is going on. Keep in mind that your children deserve honesty. Make them feel that they would be able to keep a close relationship, a healthy one, with both sides of the family. In addition, you and your ex should refrain from turning the divorce into an ugly battle for custody. Make things simpler for the kids and try to put their feelings over and above your own.
