Knowhow-Now Article

How To Experience Parental Thriving After Divorce

Sometimes divorce can be a very unpleasant experience to couples that they don’t want to have anything to do with each other after the divorce proceedings and their separation is finalized. It is a very different matter, however, if you have children. Therefore, here are some of the important things you need to take note, the dos and don’ts in order to improve the dealings between the two of you depending on who has primary physical custody of the children. This way, you can still enjoy the experience of parental thriving after divorce.

Scenario A: Your ex has acquired the children’s primary physical custody

• Pay your support in full and on time.

• Do not make the mistake of sending the support checks with your kids.

• Be sure to spend regular and consistent times with your kids.

• Be on time when you pick up and return the children. Make sure to give your spouse notification in the event that you are going to be late.

• Never mislead or misinform your ex-spouse about details if you plan to take the children on a vacation or a trip. Make sure to write the exact address or location and a contact number she can call. Do not switch dates without your spouse knowing because this can spell a lot of trouble for you.

• Keep your quarrels to yourselves. Never fight in front of the children. Always be polite, respectful, and pleasant. Never get physical or curse especially when they are in earshot.

• Always inform your ex whenever you come for a visit. Never drop by unannounced. Learn to respect new boundaries now that the two of you are divorced.

• Never say unpleasant things like not being able to buy those toys or gadgets because your ex holds all the finances. This can be troubling for your kids. You need this if you want parental thriving after divorce.

• Make arrangements with your ex-spouse to fund your kids’ extra needs like going for summer camps or taking up ballet lessons. Remember that these are for your children’s development and well-being.

• If possible, choose a place near your kids’ primary vicinity in order to make travelling easier. It will also save you time and money whenever you have to pick them up and return them afterwards.

Scenario B: You gained primary physical custody of your kids

• Never make your children ask your ex for child support.

• Fix your schedules in order to accommodate everybody. Work around your ex’s working time so the kids’ can spend time with him as well.

• Ask your kids to keep in touch with the other parent regularly.

• Prepare the kids ahead of time so they will be ready by the time the other parent arrives to pick them up.

• Never threaten to keep the children away from the other parent just so you get what you want like making your ex pay for summer camp or guitar lessons.

• Don’t deny the other parent access to the children simply because he failed to pay child support. Your kids will not be able to understand this. As much as possible keep these issues between the two of you and don’t allow the kids to know their other parent failed to pay child support-again.

• Make sure you give your ex-spouse all pertinent details of your child’s doctor, school, dentist, church, and orthodontist. Give all necessary contact information.

• Take turns in scheduling activities so both of you will have equal opportunity to spend quality time with your kids. It’s even better if you can both be there from time to time.

• Do not move your children far away from the other parent. This will only make co-parenting more difficult.

In order to experience parental thriving after divorce, leave the past behind and focus on your children’s’ future. They will be grateful for this when they become adults and imbibe the same positive values you have imparted on them when they were small.

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