Talking Through The Marriage Problems

Talking through the marriage problems can be the step that can save a marriage. Sometimes a marriage runs into problems and they only get worse because communication stops. This is really unfortunate because when a couple stops talking, they are sure to begin drifting further and further apart.

It is even possible to believe you have done everything you could to repair the marriage and still find it failing. Yet many times there’s a step that is overlooked and that step is marriage counseling. Unfortunately, many people have a real reluctance to talk to a professional or anyone outside the marriage. There are lots of reasons for this including embarrassment or a fear that others will find out you needed outside help to save your marriage.

Problem Solving Sessions

In some cases, one spouse will suggest counseling while the other will refuse. It is entirely possible in certain situations that the refusing spouse has already decided the marriage is over. In that case it can take some real convincing to get him or her to see a marriage counselor. In most situations though, refusal to see a marriage counselor is due more to believing that two people should be able to work out their own problems without the help of a stranger.

Yet marriage counseling works. It can stop divorce by opening up channels of communication between a husband and wife. The counselor is not just an advice giver but is more like an intermediary who helps the husband and wife begin the communication process. When two people have had problems for a while and quit talking as a result, stubbornness or fear takes over and it becomes difficult to be the first one to open up. A counselor is like a negotiator who steps in and breaks an impasse.

A marriage counselor is objective which is important when two people have stopped communication. The counselor doesn’t have old wounds to heal or an agenda. Instead, the counselor can help a couple begin talking from a fresh perspective and assist with keeping the conversation on course. One of the problems found in troubled marriages is that couples end up on a merry-g-round. They begin to have the same arguments over and over again and nothing gets resolved.

Breaking the Cycle

There’s an old saying that points out that if you keep doing the same things over and over again, you can expect to get the same results. If you and your spouse continually argue about the same things, and always bring the same attitudes and expectations to the argument, then it only makes sense to expect the same results.

A marriage counselor or therapist can assist with resolving any of a number of conflicts. The key word is “assist” because a counselor does not have magic answers and does not have the solutions to your problems. Instead, the counselor will help you find the solutions that were there all along if you could have looked at your situation more objectively.

When talking through the marriage problems, the amount of time it takes to come to resolution varies widely from couple to couple. It just depends on how willing both spouses are to fully participate and be open and honest during sessions. But even more importantly, both spouses must be ready to take the counseling lessons home and use the new skills in their daily lives. Going to sessions and remaining distant from the process will most likely render the efforts useless.

In other words, marriage counseling works for those who are truly serious about re-opening closed communication channels. Through counseling you can stop arguing about the same things over and over again and find ways to come up with real solutions. The topics covered can include almost anything too. You can talk about sex, work, children, addictions, finances and infidelity to name a few of the more common issues that cause frequent arguments in a marriage.

Talking It Out

Talking through the marriage problems is a great way to put the skids on problems that could eventually lead to divorce. It is much better to see a counselor and find a way to restore the two-way communication channel then it is to keep arguing about the same things over and over again. In fact, couples who argue a lot often make themselves physically sick after a while due to stress and lack of sleep. It becomes a self-defeating situation.

Your marriage is too important to let embarrassment or fear stop you from seeking counseling. A counselor is unbiased and only has your best interests at heart. With honest effort and the right attitude, you can stop divorce and get your marriage back on track.