The Intimate Details

It can be very hurtful when there is very little or no sexual relations happening in a marriage. After all one of the reasons you get married is because you see each other as emotionally and physically compatible. A marriage that lasts a lifetime means working to keep the romance alive for many, many years and through all the trials and tribulation of day to day living.

No Pillow Talk

Sometimes the lack of sex in a marriage is not due to lack of physical attraction, but rather to the strain of just handling finances, work and the family. When beginning a family, small children place a great strain on any marriage even if they do bring enormous joy. Children require an enormous amount of attention and this was time once spent on the spouse. On top of that children can simply wear adults out by the end of the day when sexual relations are most likely to occur.

But there can be many other reasons why the physical side of a relationship has declined. If the marriage is experiencing problems that have caused tension between a couple then sexual relations often suffer. It’s difficult to be physically active with someone who is making you angry. That’s because marital sex is just as much about meeting emotional needs as it is about satisfying physical wants.

There are couples who get to the point where they cannot stand to even touch each other because the emotional barriers are so strong. This is true for both men and women. Another common reason for sexual relations declining are related to the physical aspects of the spouse. As one husband bluntly told his wife, “I didn’t marry a fat woman.” This may seem cruel and is absolutely not the right way to express his feelings, but he is letting his wife know that the decline in sexual relations is because she has become physically unattractive.

When the pillow talk stops and the physical loving ceases, it can quickly lead to divorce. It is a double whammy against the marriage, because there are now communication and physical problems. It is important to deal with problem from both sides and restore the physical relationship as quickly as possible. Sexual relations are not the most important feature of a marriage, but they are as important as all the other components. Therefore problems should be addressed and not just ignored in order to stop divorce.

Plumping the Pillows

Pillow talking is an old expression that refers to the fact that couples often discuss their deepest feelings and emotions in the context of the bedroom and intimacy. When the talking stops and the bed becomes simply a place to relieve exhaustion, sex becomes a distant memory. The first step you can take to restore sexual relations to your marriage is to determine what has changed in the bedroom between the time you first married and now. Did you once initiate the sex and now you wait for your partner? Do you take all of the day’s problems to bed with you? Are there natural physical problems related to aging that need to be addressed? Physical problems can include impotency or excessive weight gain.

Of course physical problems must be addressed with sensitivity. Telling your wife she is too fat is not going to generate a positive response! Telling you husband he is only half the man he used to be is going to lead you both straight to divorce court. Instead, you both need to plump the pillows and begin having honest communication that offers solutions. You can agree to work on changing the marital lifestyle to one that is healthier. Or you can discuss seeing a good doctor who can help with overcoming impotency.

Sexual Communication

If your lack of sexual relations is due to lack of energy because of the demands of raising a family and working for a living, it’s time to set aside quality time for a physical relationship. This may take some schedule rearranging and a real effort to show your marital partner you believe they are still physically attractive. You must communicate your desire and refuse to let daily problems weight so heavily in the marriage they stifle all sexual activity.

It all starts with sexual communication. Women must let men know they want sex and men must let women know the love is still there and an important part of the physical relationship. Men and women really do communicate very differently, and it’s important to understand how. Keeping intimacy in the marriage can stop divorce and restore one of the most glorious features of a loving relationship.